Still Got Some Decades to Go…

Almost 3 years later I am sitting here reading some of my old blog posts and thinking WOW that seems like forever ago.  Add in the fact that I also found my senior book from high school earlier today and I realized that my senior year was over a decade ago. I guess that today was destined to be a trip down memory lane. Reading back over what I was thinking about and experiencing 3 – 12 years ago is so interesting because I can feel the emotions that I was experiencing at the time, and it’s so relevant because I just celebrated my 30th birthday. I see the goals that I had for this blog when I was 26 and 28 and how I have still not gotten any closer to them……..among other goals. In essence, it kind of highlights how I have grown in some ways but not in others….but it doesn’t make me sad. In fact, I feel grateful that I still have the opportunity to work towards these goals and that I have more clarity on some of the topics I explored before. Now that I am 30 (that still cracks me up for some reason) I have resolved to not place the expectation of what “should be” on myself. I should blog if I feel like it, and just because people may not agree with what I say or think doesn’t mean that I should feel offended that they do not agree with me. I am a Virgo, a perfectionist and very critical; and trying to live up to what “should be” in order to get a desired outcome took a toll on me. Should is a very powerful word that allows us to differentiate between what is appropriate for which forums, but it can also trap us in the cycle of disappointment once we realize that things may not be what they “should”. I used to think that I should have this, or my man should be like that, or a title or position is supposed to afford me certain something. By eliminating what my life should be, I have given myself the opportunity to enjoy what my life is. Plus, I get to tailor it to whatever makes me happy….nothing less. Releasing myself from expectations made the transition into my 30s seamless. A lot of my friends had reservations about turning 30 but I am excited. Every time I realize that I am 30 I feel butterflies because I know that things are only getting better with time. There are some things that are scary, like health declining and life insurance and all that….but those things come. I’m focusing on doing and getting everything that makes me happy.

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