Ascension

When I came home from work last night all I wanted to do was hug and kiss on my man. I could smell his cologne all the way home. I could feel his strong arms enveloping me and squeezing every fear, worry and stress out of my body. I could almost taste the scrumptious dinner he painstakingly concocted from all the foods that he knows I like. I smiled thinking of him trying to choose which wine to serve because he knows how particular I am. These were my thoughts all the way home. I had had a terrible day….and I wanted so badly to just cry into his chest about how much I hate my commute,  my job, and the douchebag that almost ran into me trying to cross 4 lanes to make his exit. There was only one problem though….He doesn’t exist. There is no special guy,  there was no dinner,  no wine,  and no hug. At all. Anywhere. I’ve never been a person to pine for a long term relationship. I like meeting people and going places and I have a very long to do list. Last night however,  I felt so lonely. It was a soul crushing loneliness. The kind of loneliness that makes you realize why people stay in bad relationships. That helps you understand why someone would pay for companionship. The kind of bare knuckled loneliness that keeps your bed cold even after you set it on fire. The good news is that I survived. I slept it off, and I was fine. While I’m sure it’s not my last lonely night, at least I am able to ascend from that dark point with my sanity. Without calling someone I swore I’d never talk to again,  or  sleeping with someone I don’t care about just to push the feeling away for one night… Only to be plied with regret later. The moral of the story? It gets better, and you too can rise from the depths of whatever is plaguing your heart.

Goodnight.

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